


Destiny is Overrated

by Idk34



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), Chicago Fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:34:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26856769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idk34/pseuds/Idk34
Summary: “You know,” Kelly started softly, ”it’s upsetting that all these events happen on your Birthday, some good, some bad. We should choose you a new Birthday.  Or maybe it’s just destiny these things happen.”OrShit always happens on Bucks birthday. Some good. Some bad.
Relationships: Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide
Comments: 3
Kudos: 106





	Destiny is Overrated

You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. He’s learned that from years of experience. But maybe, just maybe, he wants to be saved.

He’s drowning. But nobody can see it. He plasters on his smile when he needs to. He try’s his hardest to make sure everyone makes it out alive. He puts everyone and everything above himself.

He turns up when invited or expected. He be’s polite, offers to do washing up, or help around the house.

Honestly just anything to get out of his god awful house. Home means too many thoughts, thoughts he doesn’t want. Thoughts he wishes will leave.

His home. His home, which is filled with so little but so many cherished memories of her and his brother. Shay and Kelly.

He cry’s at night. To himself. Or occasionally to Kelly over the phone on those days he isn’t too busy licking his own wounds.

He remembers when he first moved to LA. Both Kelly and Shay had helped picked out the apartment. They had sat there laughing and drunk on the couch while on a Skype call with firehouse 51.

Everyone says he’s an open book, but Buck has too many secrets. More than anyone can see, more than even he can count.

He and Maddie have secrets they have a mutual understanding to keep hidden.

Like they fact they are only half siblings. A secret both are not sure of the decision to keep quiet. They also kept Kelly a secret. Even hid his last name and rank.

These secrets he doesn’t even know why he hides them, but he does. Maybe because everyone thought he was fresh out of the academy when he joined the 118. Something not even close to the truth. Although it may have a little bit of truth as he did go through LAFD academy...broke a bunch of records...and trained some recruits.

Buck chuckled lightly to himself in the darkness of his room. See this is why he didn’t like being alone. Too many thoughts.

When Buck first joined the 118 he was 23. The minimum age for firefighters in LA, although you could join the academy at 20, you needed to go through training. In Chicago, he joined the CFD when he was 17. You were allowed to join the academy with parent permission if you were 17 and Benny was happy about Buck joining the CFD although he would’ve rathered Buck be a little older first. Spoiler alert. Buck broke all, and when I say all, I mean all CFD records.

Bucks not even sure how, but suspects it’s because of Benny, Kelly and Kelly’s Boyfriend, Matt, as well as their best friend Andy, that he graduated the academy on his 18th Birthday. He also suspects those four are the reason he was placed on Truck 81, house 51. Benny wasn’t the greatest father but he’s sure he was part of the reason he graduated so fast.

Fast forward a year, he’s passed his squad training, and is placed on squad 3 with his older brother. Also effectively becoming the youngest squad member at the age of 19. Four years younger than the youngest ever squad member at 23, who also just so happened to be his brother.

But his brother is way past that age now. Well not really, kinda. He’s been Lieutenant Kelly Severide on Squad 3 since 26 and he’s now 33.

14 years age gap. Buck has always suspected he was an accident. His mother and father would velvet admit it to him but he knew. It was just a one night stand between too people who were once in love.

16 years between him and Maddie. Another night, another one night stand, another broken wife.

Anyway. Fast forward another year and he’s graduated his Lieutenants exam. He’s never been happier and the commissioner granted him permission to run as a co-Lieutenant on the same squad, with his brother. Two Lieutenants on one squad. He wasn’t even sure how that was meant to work at the time but they made it work.

Another year goes by and he’s 20. Kelly and Matt get married. It’s a small ceremony as their relationship is hidden and no one knows besides him, Andy and Shay. So that’s all who’s at the wedding. It’s a beautiful day and a day to remember.

Another day, another few years. He’s 21. His life is ruined. Funny how the best day of your life is when you turn 21. Your legally allowed to drink. I mean he drunk anyway, but it’s legal now. He can go to bars besides Molly’s to have a drink. Though he probably won’t.

It’s funny how last night he was having drinks to celebrate his 21st exactly at midnight. They were all sitting in Molly’s drinking until the sun. Although that’s just an expression they had work at 6am. Not like they could drink much.

He sat right next to Andy, opposite Kelly and Matt. He can remember that moment so clearly. Everyone with wide smiles on their faces, just laughing so carelessly and care free.

It’s sad how fast moments like these change dramatically.

Andy’s gone. He was here. Less then 12 hours ago. Now he’s not. It’s that simple. Yet so complicated.  
He’s gone. Not coming back. Ever.

Buck goes home and crys. For the first time, in a long time.

It’s Funny how the day he was brought into this world could hold such good and bad memories.

He lasts one more year at 51. He can’t handle it anymore. Everyone walks around him like their walking on eggshells. Kelly and Matt are, always fighting. But their not at they same time. There at each other’s throats all the time. But they go home and fuck like rabbits, he knows, because he can hear them. He doesn’t know if they fight at work to keep up the facade they had going on. But he was getting sick of it. They fought at work, and act like nothing had happened and it was getting exhausting. Honestly just being at the house was hard.

It’s proof it’s not just hard for him on his Birthday. It the anniversary of Andy Darden’s death.

He doesn’t celebrate his birthday from that point on. Sure, he acknowledges it, accepts the Happy Birthday’s. But they’re haunted. There’s a ghost In their eyes when they say it. They say it quietly like they’re about to cry and to be honest they probably are.

He knows it will get better as time goes on but it’s only been a year since Andy’s death. Buck can’t handle it. He needs to leave.

He moved to LA. Kelly and Shay helped him get settled into his new place.

The two left after a week and Buck began his kind’ve job. He went to the fire academy and demolished all previous recorded set. They asked him to become an instructor while they found him a permanent firefighting family.

He got sick of being asked questions of his past in Chicago. He asked if everyone could call him Evan Buckley instead of Evan Severide. His middle name would become his last name.

It was on his 23rd birthday he was transferred to the 118. It was his chance at a new start. A new family. He would always love his old one, but he needed to get away. They understood. And maybe one day he will return. For good. 

It was his 24th and first anniversary at the 118. It was discovered he didn’t celebrate his birthday, for unknown reasons. He wasn’t about to tell them what had happened. They didn’t even know he was from Chicago.

25 and devastation hit once more. Shay was gone.  
Buck will never understand how the most important days of his life happen on his birthday. It’s both a blessing and a curse.

He’s in his car when he gets the call from Kelly. He’s sitting in his car in the car park of the firehouse. He breaks down crying. When he pulls it together, he calls the next shift in sick, and heads anywhere but home.

He pretends everything is fine. Like he isn’t slowly drowning. He spends the next week putting on a fake face. Doing what’s asked of him. Getting out of the house.

He then calls the following week in sick so he can go to the funeral in Chicago. People start asking questions. He doesn’t break. Not until it’s his final shift before his leave.

Bobby corners him and his heart is beating so fast he’s sure it’s about to burst.

“I asked around. Evan Severide.” Bobby said almost accusingly and Bucks not sure he can breathe. He can see all the confused looks he’s getting.

“Woah. Calm down Buck.” He said with concern. “I know your going to Chicago for the funeral of Leslie Elizabeth Shay. I’m hear to say, take as long as you need.”

Buck calmed down a little. “Th-Thankyou.” He stuttered.

“I’m here for you.” Bobby said with a small smile as he squeezed Bucks shoulder. “Take the rest of the shift off and I’ll see you in a few weeks” Bobby said as he walked away.

That’s exactly what Buck did.

The funeral was nice. Well as nice as a funeral could be. He cried. And cried some more. He stood next to Kelly, in his uniform.

After the funeral Kelly came up to Buck. Buck just sobbed into Kelly’s shoulder.

“You know,” Kelly started softly, ”it’s upsetting that all these events happen on your Birthday, some good, some bad. We should choose you a new Birthday. Or maybe it’s just destiny these things happen.”

Buck sniffled softly, looking into Kelly’s glassy and bloodshot eyes. His probably not looking much better. “Destiny is overrated so I think I’ll write my own.”

Kelly let out a small chuckle before gently pushing Bucks head back onto his shoulder.  
“Only you, little brother. Only you.”

**Author's Note:**

> :)


End file.
